I might have forgotten how to do this. I am giving it a shot tonight.
I am scared. There. I said it.
The last few days and weeks have wrecked my mommy-heart and stirred up a fear in me that I did not know I was capable of.
We watched babies be buried in a pile of rubble while they were at school. Mothers stripped of their children by a violent act of nature that no one could have prevented...
We witnessed a horrific traffic accident nearly in our own backyard that took a child from her mommy and altered the lives of others for as long as they live in this world in another freakishly nightmarish event.
And I have this near crippling fear of letting any of my kids out of my sight. It is absurd, really. Because rationally, I know I can't really prevent a tornado, or a freakish accident from happening, but all of a sudden I just have this realization of how fragile life really is... Even for one who has their whole life ahead of them. And I am so afraid of losing them. Isn't that every mother's greatest fear, after all? That by some cruel turn of events we might outlive our children? And then I feel guilty, because my babies sleep soundly tonight while another Mommy is crying for hers. And it isn't fair. It. Is. Not. Fair.
I guess this is one of the countless reasons God tells us over and over again in scripture to "not be afraid" and to "take courage" because honestly, this world, this life, is so scary. I cling to the words of Jesus "In this world you will have trouble... But take heart! I have overcome the world." And also, I think He has a soft spot for mothers. He watched His own mother as she grieved for Him at the foot of the cross... So even though I make no claims to know how to pray for these sweet mommies, I do know that Jesus loves them so much. So my prayer has been simply this: "Just be there... Jesus, be so close. Be with them in a way that they KNOW it and FEEL it." And I have prayed it so many times in these last days. And strangely, when I pray for them, I can feel the fear subside. Because I really do believe it... That He loves us. That He sees us... That He sees them.
I have slowed a little... I have noticed some things I have been taking for granted. And I wish I could say that I have learned to cherish every moment, but who really learns that until the moments are gone? Oh how I want to learn to just be Here. Now.
The scariest job in the world? Motherhood. We have to stick together. Share our fears, our failures, our shortcomings... Pray for each other. HELP each other.
This is the end of my thought processing for tonight.
Don't be afraid. Take heart. He is with us and for us.
He is for you.