"He remembered us in our weakness. His faithful love endures forever."
I thought about this verse today, after our life group met at church... Never have I felt more inadequate to try and "lead" a class than I did this morning, after the whole relationship inventory disaster. (I say that with a chuckle in my spirit, because it really did occur to me that I may have overreacted just a little bit to our less than stellar scores.) I woke up this morning feeling resigned to the fact that I would, indeed, have to humble myself and share the fact that we don't have it all together and indeed, have zero qualifications to help anyone muddle through this mess called marriage. Not that anyone really thinks we do, mind you... But that doesn't stop me from wishing we were better equipped! So I prayed and told God if He didn't help out then I was pretty much sunk.
My plan was simple. Pass out my neatly typed up fill-in-the-blank page. Watch video workshop. Ask for feedback from video. Guide the other couples through the questions in the workbook. Simple.
The video this morning covered conflict resolution, humility and couple flexibility. Note the term in the middle. Yeah, the "H" word. Humility. And it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, if Michael and I had scored in the high range on our relationship inventory, I would have walked into class this morning feeling pretty confident. In me. In us. I might have even thought I had a thing or two to boast about. Hmmm...
Now, thankfully, our class is made up of some truly insightful people who love to discuss the principles in our study. So I really don't have to do much more than keep us on track. I could have probably breezed through the class time today without revealing much about our own personal scores. That was my plan. But with the whole "humility" theme running through my head, I felt compelled to be a little more authentic and open than I originally intended. So, without sharing all the details, I let them know that we didn't really pass with flying colors, and that yes, I spent 2 days crying about it, and that if they, too, were not thrilled with what they saw in their reports, not to be discouraged. We are all in the same boat, here. So we took turns sharing only strengths, and encouraging one another. And it was wonderfully positive and uplifting.
See, this is exactly why I am a God-girl, Jesus-freak, or whatever you want to call it. I can't help it because He is so compassionate and kind and ready to rescue... And I so often need rescuing. And this morning, when I knew I did not have what it took to "lead" anyone, He stepped in and showed me again that I don't have to. He doesn't need the smartest girl. He doesn't want the best public speaker. He just wants a willing and obedient me. And sure, I am not always willing, and I am not always obedient. But He is always Himself. And He gives grace when we humble ourselves. Oh, how thankful I am for that.
More to come, maybe about the actual study itself... But not this evening. I have a relationship to go work on.